Love.net

Technology permeates so much of our daily lives; and our love lives are no exception. However, I am seeing a trend more and more; one that I really  dislike. Technology is replacing dating. Substitute the first call with a first text message. Substitute the blind date set up by friends with a Facebook friend invitation. Stir briskly, and you have a recipe for a virtual disaster.

It’s the time of year where everyone makes a mad dash to get into a relationship. Awesome. Every time I turn around I am bombarded with happy couples sharing an afternoon in the park, walking the dog together, enjoying an outdoor meal. And I have to say, I’m a bit dumbfounded, albeit a little nauseated.  The nature of dating in this day and age is so casual, how do you ever meet anyone? Much less, maintain a relationship with any semblance of quality? Or are we substituting quality for quantity? You can likely meet more people than ever faster than before because of websites like match.com and e-harmony. You don’t even have to leave your apartment, much less wash last night’s makeup off, to meet Mr. or Ms. right(now). You don’t even have to make that much of an investment of your time or money, you can simply text one of the 9 zillion companies they now have to meet “hot young singles near you“. Essentially, the modernized 1-900 number.

I don’t know if I’m cynical and bitter about dating and relationships because I have been burned by romantic “technicalities” or if I’m only technically cynical and bitter. Either way, it seems that romance is virtually dead. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t think that communicating via email, text message, and IM counts as “dating”. Not all aspects of technology have killed romance, don’t get me wrong. I have googled many fellows in an attempt to find out a back story before I ever met them for drinks. But, for the most part, I think technology is making the dating game a thing of the past.

It seems that technology has become this barricade behind which we are able to shield our “true” selves. Whatever happened to heartbreak? We are required to invest so little physically and emotionally into dating that a person can sail through life without getting hurt romantically, presumably. When asking someone on a date via text message, or subsequently breaking up with them via email, is considered completely acceptable, what does the future hold for relationships? If men and women don’t even have to try all that hard to “win” a partner, they are going to put an equal amount of effort and thought into ending it.

So, what does this tech trend indicate? Well, I think this is an instance where technology is hurting us more than it is helping us. It’s ironic; we are at a point in society where we are more in touch with more people more frequently than any other time in history. Anyone can get in touch with you at least 3 different ways any time they need to. We are so connected, and yet, this seems to be the cause for our emotional separation. This virtual intimacy has replaced actually spending time with someone to get to know them. The other part of this double-edged sword is that fact that you lose tone and inflectionwith IM’s, emails, and text messages. Something that might seem like hearted could be taken as threatening or confrontational such as “Where were you?” That could go a lot of ways….

So what now? Don’t give out my cell number? Refuse to respond to emails? Ignore IM’s? Here’s the problem: bucking the system will only lead to the sooner surrender into spinsterhood (I hate that word) to which I am quietly and slowly settling. But I have a hard time believing that this phenomenon is gender specific. There seems to be no good answer to the question. Frankly, I would be just as unhappy if the trend in dating was a move to the values our parents were raised on. As much fun as it is to literally sit by the phone on a Friday night, because heaven forbid you ask a BOY out, I think I would rather have things the way they are now. I guess it’s up to me to put my foot down and make romance a priority…